Fat Loss For Village Idiots

Hear Ye... Hear Ye...

A royal decree from King Pompous IV has put forth that no more village idiots be of an excessive size or weight. Because of their idiotic nature they should scarcely be able to feed themselves let alone be fat, bloated with bulbous belly's, swollen ankles and no necks.

Therefore the King has been kind enough to set forth 10 rules entitled "Fat Loss For Village Idiots"

Every village idiot must read and apply these rules immediately on penalty of being BBQ 'd on the branding chair, drawn quartered and fed to the dungeon prisoners for an excessively long time.

That is all.

10 Fat Loss For Village Idiot Rules

1) Lard, twinkies and ale are not major food groups.

2) Exercise does not include shouting stupid statements such as "King Pompous wears women's underwear," arguing with they neighbor that the sky is blue because of a government conspiracy or stumbling home from the inn at 10 in the morning.

3) Ale is not for bathing in and should not be consumed afterwards.

4) Ye boots were made for walking, not for wearing them on your head and shouting like a nancy every time a royal guard pokes you with his pike and says "Move along now, nothing to see here."

5) Playing "Ye Old World Of Warcraft" or "Ye Old Grand Theft Auto IV" for 10 days straight does not constitute a religious fast and does not entitle you to share in the King's religious feast.

6) Trying to compete against a sloth to see who can move slower is not an olympic sport. No medals will be awarded so STOP ASKING!

7) The royal surgeons will no longer perform fatosuction even though they get 5 florins a pound and now drive 3 ye old mercedes carriages.

8) Gnawing on a rack of ribs while standing on one leg is not a balance diet.

9) Ogling the town prostitute is not exercise for the eyes.

10) If you can't see your toes and all your belly does is grows and grows, then don't you suppose it's time to get off your meat seat and do something about it.

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